JANE AND DAVIDS BATHROOM, GENEVA

so sam's folks live in geneva, switzerland, a seemingly lovely place with moutains and lakes and shopping or whatever gets most people in a tizz about places being amazing or not; i am however, not the person to say one single word about the place, as though we have spent many a tour-break day here in the last year, much, if not all of my time has been spent with my sizeable nose pressed up against, either the computer screen against which i am currently pressed up, or the television screen in the next room, which has enabled the watching of jane and david's rather large quantity of DVDs.  i have however, been into the town approximately five times, once even to do christmas shopping, and spent one night drinking pinkish wine with sam and stef, at what i suspect was the local derelict sports club.  i have lost much of my self respect for finding it much too terrifying to try out my high school french on the  people of the city, preferring to go into a type of burning faced paralysis, rather than spit out a few unassuming french words.   i have lied with both brilliant flair and commitment, to my mother about day trips to italy and france, both within minutes drive from sam's parents house, deftly choosing the minor mental gymnastics required to concoct believable travel anecdotes, over the guaranteed violent berating i would receive from my mother, if she ever found out i sat on my arse all day and watched b grade rom coms, instead of turbo-sight-seeing my fervent way across switzerland.

jane and david have two bathrooms at their house, which is an average sized apartment on the top floor of an 15 story building over looking the mountains and lake geneva.  possibly stunning, but somewhat wasted on me.  they have one small bathroom, which has a toilet and a shower, and a larger one which has both those two things also, but including a bath.  

the first bathroom has a shower head that propels the water so finely into your back and shoulders, that it feels more akin to acupuncture, than cleansing.  the boiling hot needles swing widly between way too hot and way too cold.  i flood this bathroom almost every time.  someone left some nice clinique cleanser in there a while back, which i have just finished, after polishing it off steadily over a few visits.  which is a shame, as it was one of those ones that makes your face feel tight as a skanky girls latex halter top on a thirty degree day.  this bathroom loses points for the lack of soothing moisturiser, which is needed after blasting your face then vaccuum sealing it with the cleanser.  it also looses points, a bit unfairly, for always having extreme shit stains in the toilet, undoubtedly the fault of me and my band mates, as opposed to the bathroom itself.  it has lovely thick paper, which you really only need about three squares of, and a nice new toothbrush which i have since claimed as mine, that does a great job of removing the food which tends to fester in the huge cave made my my wisdom tooth.  the bathroom also loses points for having a medicine cabinte which makes a noise as you open it, exposing you as a thief and liar.  but gains points for being warm, and also for not being the only toilet.

the other bathroom, trumps the first one hands down for having a strangely big stock of panadeine, and some anti aging eye cream that makes me feel like scarlett johansen stuck her eye skin to my face.  good, in other words.