so it has a stereo in the bidet which was pretty annoying cause i always wanted to try one of these things and this time woulda been especially good, under the watchful eyes of a tween poster of mary kate and ashey olsen locked in an incest-y embrace, but i was thwarted by the stereo and an assortment of broken cd cases including the strokes, room on fire, which i believe was matt's. actually, its not really a stereo, more of a dusty battered boombox, like ghetto blaster thing. i have never heard it blasting, it was quite possibly broken. i perhaps wouldnt have used the bidet anyway, as i am as yet undecided about its purpose; is it a bum washer, or a fanny washer? is it both? how do you dry your bum or fanny after you use it? do you stand or squat? is it possible to blast other people's poo particles into my own fanny? i am unsure as to whether i would've had the mental agility to navigate through this potential minefield of possibilities on a half-cask-of-rose hangover, so maybe would've steered clear regardless of the presence of unused appliances inside the porcelain fixture. i think i have only encountered one other bidet on my bathroom adventures, again which i was unable to use. one day.
the shower in this bathroom has a lovely heavy pressure and has always been hot when i have needed one, but perhaps not after. the door is broken and after you have manouvered it across to be kind of closed, you can sit rather comfortably on the bottom of this shower as it is very warm. if water goes out of the half closed door, there were always a mangled pile of people's towels or a sodden brown bath mat on the floor to catch the drips. i think most people might be too squeamish to sit on the bottom though, due to the sickly feel of sitting on various species of fungi, and the slick oily texture of the unwashed surface.
cause this bathroom is pretty dirty. since staying there stef has insisted to me that she cleaned this bathroom regularly, indeed, the MOST regularly of them all, and despite the fact that i never saw evidence to prop up this statement, on asking nicks opinion on this claim, discovered that her cleaning mostly involved taking all of his beauty products off the sink, and stuffing them into his drawer. i cannot say either way.
this bathroom gets a hundred points for always facilitating happy hungover showers, generally into which sam and i would huddle, saying over and over again what a good time we were having staying with these amazing hygenically challenged friends of ours. it also gets points for being the origin of an unusually entertaining photograph i have been privileged enough to see, of nick sitting on the toilet in the nude, talking on his cell phone, beside a full bubble bath.
it loses points for having very few products i was interested in pilfering. there was a lot of iodine for some reason. little brown bottles of iodine. it gains points for having really good lighting, making you feel quite hot every time you put your make-up on for going out. it also has a really big mirror which two people can comfortably doctor their faces in front of, no problem.
less points because it is so close to the living area and it needs to be soundproofed. i have memories of overhearing some very intense screaming vomiting.
there is actually another toilet in the house, which again bumps up the overall score, which you reach by passing through a blue and green beaded curtain, which basically ensures a shoe-in for the highest score possible, though it was kinda beadless in patches. on the floor of this toilet is a big hard cover book, that if my memory serves me correctly was on greek gods? and maybe a birthday book as well? great bathroom reading, educational AND interesting.
it gets five points for surprisingly always having loo paper, indicating some standards amoungst the housemates, and gains another five for always being filthy enough so that when we stayed, i could clean it, and really feel like i had made a big gesture to say thank you. more points alloted as we were allowed to use it and stay when we were complete strangers, and they didnt know us from a bar of soap, which was the beginning of a lot of things.
oh, and it always had a pile of trashy mags beside the toilet on the corner of the bath! and stef had nice face cleanser which felt like it repaired the damage the weekend had done. she still does. all in all, quite a high point, one might say.
