SPECTACULAR TRILKE, HILDERSHEIM, GERMANY

this place was unlike anywhere i have ever seen. set way up on a hill, behind lots of trees and lush looking gardens, down a long driveway, in hildersheim germany, there is a big white building that is not unlike the mansion in The Shining. it looked a bit like a hotel, but was a bit ramshackle and odd, but not in an unloved or dirty way, in an interesting and artisty way. we got into the place around 4pm, set our things down in the band room, which was a kinda cafe/bar room downstairs, and then got a tour of the whole building.
it is a massive building and section owned by what i think was a kind of collective, more like a commune then a squat, they bought it for something 1.5 million euros ten years ago, when it was valued at 3 million. i think the government wanted it to be privately owned, so it wasnt squatted or something? bear in mind that this is through deciphering stuff from between language barrier shit, and i could be wrong. it has actually been really annoying though, because some of the places we have seen like this have been really amazing, but i still cant really get a clear idea of how they function and whether or not people pay to live there, or if theyre legal, or whatever. this one was definitely legal though, they owned it outright.

this place was really so cool. there were fifty rooms i think, and about that many people living in the whole place including some young kids. some of the sqat places you see in eastern europe can haev a really militant feel to them, an angry kinda fighting vibe, and be covered in graffitti, they can feel quite intimidating and also a bit transient. i have also thought, that for these places where it is supposed to be an ´alternative´ lifestyle, they can be pretty hung up on what ´mainstream´culture is, and how to go against it, rather than cultivating a unique culture of their own.
this place was not like that at all. it genuinely had a vibe of being a peaceful creative oasis, somewhere where people who didnt like the way a lot of the world worked and functioned, could go to find a healthy and happy alternative, that was its own entity, not something that was purely a knee-jerk reaction to something they thought was evil, or wrong.
there seemed to be a lot of different people around too, not just one uniform way of dressing, which was again different to a lot of what i have seen. there were oldies and youngies, and hippies and kinda stylish girls. this was good too, sometimes at more kinda punk squats, there seems to be a negative feeling attached to woman worrying about their appearances, or wearing slightly revealing or feminine clothes. i mean, this is all fine, but i dislike the fact that in places like that which are supposedly ´anarchistic´, there seem to be a whole lot of rules in place that the people subconciously or conciously adhere to.
so anyway, this place is i think 5 stories high, and looks like it is in two wings. we were staying in some girls room, who had donated it to us for the night, and bunked up with someone else. i think if i lived in this room, i would write the most amazing book, and do the most amazing pictures and pretty much just be the most creative person in the world. it was quite big, had two sets of windows along one wall which looked out over one side of the gardens, there was a loft for the bed and underneath she had a cello i think, and a music stand, like a little music ´zone´, there were these cool looking screens in one corner where she had set up a little lounge area with a tiny coffee table and this really pretty pastel velour furniture, she had a little sink with her makeup and paints and stuff on it, the a desk up against the window with her computer and stuff looking out the window, she had a sewing machine on the floor and little pictures dotted on the walls. it was so cool. on each of our beds set up on the ground, was a little paper origami swan, and a rice snack!
in the morning we went up to this turret almost, to the upstairs kitchen. it was a large room on the top floor that kind of jutted out a little from the rest of the building. it was completely round, and surrounded with windows, with a round table and all this yum food set out, which i didnt eat cause it was too early, and it kind of scares me eating around strangers that early in the morning. to complete the the idyllic-ness, there was an older hippie woman with long wavy grey hair playing guitar at the table, you know, like soothing sounding nylon string guitar. it was kinda cheesy, but straight after i thought that, i cursed myself for being so jaded that i could find something so inoffensive and lovely, cheesy. shame on my name.
after breakfast, lisa, this gorgeous girl who kinda reminded me of J. when she was young and we all werent so old and craggy, took us up on the roof of the round room, to the highest point of the whole place. there was a round deck and deck chairs, and you could hear the wind rustling in the masses of trees below if you looked over the edge.


so basically, i want to live there. or make my own version somewhere. oh the bathrooms.....so all the bathrooms and stuff were nice and new, and even if they werent, they were clean and cool looking. everything looked like someone was looking after if, on each of the stairwells there was plants, or piles and piles of shoes stacked up on shelves, and on the bigger landings or in the foyer parts of the inside, there was cute little lounges set up, with rad looking old furniture. i am trying really hard not to say funky, cause that maeks me sick, but it really was a bit, like old and styley and artsy looking.

heaps of points, for making somewhere great to go, for making a cool life for people that you like.


CAFE WAGNER BATHROOM, BERN, SWITZERLAND

this bathroom was in the basement of a really dingy and dark club that we stayed at when we played there in Bern. it had a lot of towels in it, which was great, because i dont want to get mine wet. it was kind of weird, because it was one of those detachable shower heads on a long hose, but the holder thing was broken, so you couldnt hook it up to stand beneath it. this turned out ok, because all i really did was sit at the bottom of this shower for an hour before we played, and another hour in the morning, before we left.
it was a seriously inspired decision to get out of bed an hour early, and sit there in the shower. my eyes felt less devastated and molested, but still retained the look of two angry little red smudges weeping boozey stingy tears.
this bathroom was ok, considering. and any bathroom that i can sit in for two hours in less than ten hours, makes me a happy little alcoholic. thanks cafe wagner! but really, get some light bulbs, its like a tomb down there.

i think it was MATTIA'S BATHROOM, DRESDEN but who can be sure

the girl that showed us this 'bathroom' was one of the most annoying drunk people i have ever encountered. she just kept rambling and spitting into my face and she talked really close and she had this obnoxious high pitched laugh that bounced inanely off the walls of the car when we were driving back to where we were staying. and she wouldnt give my damn bag back, she kept on insisting that she would carry it. i didnt want her to carry it! i wanted to fuckin carry it!! how many times does a person have to make a grab for a bag they own that you're wearing before you realise they probably want the fuckin thing BACK! surely that sort of thing transcends the thin fabric of language barrier? this woman actually insisted on tickling my feet from the bottow of the ladder when i was pretending to have passed out to avoid smoking weed with her. she just kept grabbing my feet and tickling and laughing that nylon laugh of hers. why would you do this? i have no idea.
this bathroom gets no points at all because it had no sink, no mirror, was not inside the actual apartment, i couldnt work the key, there was no shower, i couldnt work the flush, there were no products, i was shown to it by the most annoying dick head in the world, and it was directly beside a locked door of identical proportions, which i could not get into, but which i strongly suspect contained riches and pleasures akin to aladdins cave.

HOTEL BATHROOM, TILBURG, NETHERLANDS

this bathroom was sweet, cause we could stay in forever, and mine had a little plastic stool in it, which i dragged under the stream of water and sat on for ages.  i didnt like to think about all the syphlitic back packer asses that had sat nude on it before me though.  im glad i chose the shower closest to the wall, because when i brushed my teeth and washed my hair, all the scummy water ran under the shower wall, all over stef's feet in the next stall. 

ELLA'S BATHROOM, TILBURG, NETHERLANDS

ella was real nice, looked young but was kinda old, looked a bit like patti smith, taught us about gypsies and a little about her divorce, which had ended a twenty year marriage.  her house was really 70's and kitschy, with orange lights and veneer looking walls.  when we got back to her house she took us out to sit in her courtyard outside, brought out this massive bottle of red wine and some beers for her and sam.  she was living with the young guy who organised the gig for us,he was a kind of skinny nerd who was really cool and nice, and i dont know but i had a feeling they may have been sleeping together, because the next afternoon when he got up, he was nude except for wearing her dressing gown, but i could be wrong.  i mean it was definitely her dressing gown, but he may not have slept with her to get it.   
her bathroom smelt like incense, which it is a wonder more people do not use this to de-scent their toilets, as it really does smell nice.  it was one of those ones that the floor is on a slope and is made of the same stuff that the bottom of the shower is made of, and the shower had no curtain, so its kinda like showering in the whole room.  she had one beauty product, which was one smallish jar of moisturiser, which she had told us the night before that she had never really used before until her sister had forced it upon her a month ago.  she had really good skin for how old she was, considering she smoked and drank too.  
the only bad thing about staying with ella, was that we stayed there with the other band that we had played with that night.  the girl in the band was nice, but the guy thought he was the most famous cool guy in the world, in a way that you knew he secretly suspected he was the lamest loser in the world, and lived in constant fear that he was going to get exposed at any minute.  i knew he was a loser, cause in the morning when i was in the shower shaving my legs with a blunt rasor, (see how obsessed with legs i have become!?)  i could hear him scrambling eggs, in this brisk robotic way, kinda angrily and repressed.  and he also didnt offer to make breakfast for all of us, which i would've done if i had discovered eggs, a whisk, a bowl, some oil, some bread, and some butter.
it was really a shame that this guy stayed with us, because ella really was unusually nice, and we had a really good time there apart from him.  he had a costume change before they played, even down to his shoes.  i hate people like him, they are really what is wrong with music in so many ways.
this bathroom lost all its points, cause i could hear him through it's walls, and it made me furious, right down into my guts.

MICHEAL'S BATHROOM, MUNSTER, GERMANY

so first micheal was the chef at the place where we played, he cooked this really yum meal that sam had only made me eat half a subway for in the afternoon, so i would still be hungry by dinner time.  this made me angry at the time, cause i thought sam would want some of my subway, cause my thing is, i would rather buy someone their own food item, than share my one.  is this selfish?  i dont know if it is, all i know is that most times, i will get the amount of food that i feel like eating, i dont get extra so i can share and still not be hungry.  this makes me sound like the greediest pig, and maybe thats accurate.  anyway, it turned out best that i didnt gorge myseld too much at lunch, because dinner was very very nice.   
i learnt a couple of things on this night, the first being that its quite difficult to discern between nice weirdos and scary weirdos when there is a language barrier.  i think we all found ourselves giving quite a bit of time to people who i think were just using us for ciggies and free drinks.  live and learn.
anyway so after the gig we walked about half an hour carrying all our stuff to stay at the chef micheal's house.  the second thing i learnt:  when people say five minutes down the road, they always, always mean at least half an hour.  sam and stef motored off ahead, so i got stuck making pretty useless conversation with the chef guy walking behind them.  in all honesty, i think my conversation consisted at least in part, of me learning how to say 'i am playing with my balls' in german, like the disgusting tourist i am.
so we get back to his house, and its about 9 stories high, and he lives on the top floor.  the higher we got in the building the hotter it got, till by the top it was like in a steamy bathroom.  the guy was so nice, he actually gave the three of us his bedroom, and slept in the lounge, actually i think he went out to another party after we went to sleep, so he musta been wasted in the morning.  he had water bottles and towels for us, and told us to be ready for breakfast in the morning.  he was stuck in a bit of a drunken glitch for a while in the door of the bedroom as he was saying goodnight, he kept repeating over and over, 'ok, well sleep well.  see you in the morning, we will have breakfast, frank will come over', then standing there with his hands on his hips for an awkward moment, before he began the cycle again.  maye he was that wasted; maybe he wanted a kiss goodnight.
so the bathroom.  i have three words for you: hair, removal, cream.  this was a welcome find in a bathroom, as i have been getting ingrown hairs on my legs, and i hate wearing shorts in the summer with really scabby legs.  however, whatever points this bathroom racked up for having this luxury item were immediately taken away by the following three words: two, in, one.  there was no conditioner, which is really annoying, how does two in one work anyway?  surely the two things cannot co-exist in the same product?  conditioner giveth what the shampoo doth take away?  it did have a hairdryer AND a powerpoint though, and anything that saves me rummaging through the giant suitcase crammed full of shit that sam and i share, gets my vote.  and earns valuable points.
so the guy who we stayed with was taller than me, he musta been about 6"2'.  and his bathroom ceiling was way too short for me to stand in, he must've had to be hunched over all the time when he was in there.  and where the shower was, a shower/bath combo, the roof was espcially low, with a skylight window directly over where you stood in the shower, that you could open and stand up straight, with your head poking out, surveying the goings on on the street below.  when i got up, and i was still fuzzy and bleary from the wine the night before, i stood there like a dazed bird on a beach, my red eyes poking deleriously out of the roof of the bathroom, blankly watching two old ladies talk in german in a carpark on the ground, feeling the most detached i have felt in a long time.  
toilet in bathroom, lost points.  toothbrush + toothpaste combo, gains points.  comes out somewhere on top.